When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
-1 Corinthians 13:11

Fuck that.
Meet the latest additions to tha fam:


FYI, Rockin the MySpace right about here.
Vulgarthon pt. 2 shenanigans sometime soon!
If you know where to cop a Soundwave for under $30, lemme know.

No party in these here pants.

MUSIC: Sonny Sharrock

So there's all kindsa ads on tv now that start with a really attractive person sitting there saying "I have genital herpes". And the first thing I, and probably most folks think when hearing a statement like this is of course: "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!". After that, I wonder...does this dude really have the penile pox? Is he just an actor? An actor with the crotch rot? Whatever the case, I wonder if they've lost any potential phone numbers because of these commercials? Dude's at a bar, chatting someone up, there's a game on TV, their potential mate turns to go to the jukebox and sees the other person on the screen...and they say "I have genital herpes". Odds are, that person is bolting. If they don't, then they are probly crawling with the stuff themselves...and if that's the case, Mr. Am-I-Acting-or-Not should be the one bolting...because his life is going to be rough enough once word gets out.
And they have to have the attractive people do the commercials...because if you get someone what looks like Kevin Federline or Fred Durst sitting there saying "I have herpes", people would think "yeah, that sounds about right", then change the channel. Then no one would know which herpes meds have the fewest scary side effects.

On a completely different and more pleasant topic...I just saw Kennedy on TV...and she's still hott.

Mother would be so proud.

MUSIC: I Believe in Miracles

So yeah, I should get back to finishing the Vulgarthon writeup, but instead here’s a lovely little story about defecation. Thankfully there are no pictures.
Apologies in advance…
So this morning instead of my usual workday, I had to go to the studio lot for orientation. As I’m still not exactly sure what I can and can’t write about my job, I’ll not mention the studio by namemouse and insteadwalt just hintdonald subtly at it. Cool.
So as usual I slept in too late on Sunday and as usual had trouble falling asleep last night. I think I got about 5 hours. So not exactly the most wide-eyed this morning, I’m driving along on Riverside, I’ve got some Beck on (Mutations-style), and all is good. Then it hits me like a kick in…well, stomach. I need to go…and I need to go NOW. I’m sure this has happened to all of you before. It’s one of those George Carlin-type things that everyone knows about but no one really talks about…probly with good reason, but it’s too late to turn back. Now, I’m normally the type a’ guy likes to do his “business” in the morning when I wake up, or failing that, before bed. That’s just how I roll(pun intended…can you find it boys and girls?)…ahem.
So this morning I wake up and “all is quiet on the western front”, if you will, so shower, shave, grab some music, and out the door I go.
I’m driving(about 5 minutes away from the lot), get this alien being beamed into my gut from lord knows what evil parallel dimension or dystopian alternate future, and start to worry. See, I’ve been to the lot before. I know what building I have to go to and how far it is from parking and how long it’ll take me to get there and will I have to sign in first and it’s early what if the bathrooms are locked and oh jesus oh god this is really fucking bad and it’s kinda funny but oh man this sucks and why did I go to…Denny’s…yester…day…FUCK! Muthafuckin’ Denny’s. Why did it seem like a good idea? I’ve been there before, I know the score. Any place offering 3 pancakes, 2 bacon, 2 sausage, hashbrowns, and an ungodly-yet-deliciously-salty amalgam of eggs, sausage, bacon, and ham that must have come from some sort of genetically altered super-swine that left it’s parents on krypton, for only $4.99, is NOT to be trusted. I'd say live and learn, but I must not be a quick learner. I mean, I could’ve gotten pancakes anywhere…granted it was 3 in the afternoon and my options were limited, but still…I could’ve just made them my damn self. But no, throwing caution to the winds and intestines alike, Denny’s it was. I remember nearing the end of the “meal”(in quotations because FDA regulations surely prohibit such blatant incorrect usage of the term) and thinking “this is gonna be bad”. But hey, that was later and this is pancakes!
This wasn’t one of those stomach aches where it comes and goes…hurts for a little while, then is ok for a while, and back and forth until relief is found. Not so lucky folks…this was a full on Rodney King going on in my stomach and I sure as shit(ok, I’m REALLY sorry for that one) don’t want to see no riot.
I pull into the parking garage and proceed to powerwalk to the doors, down the stairs, around the corner, and past the few people I see starting the day’s work. Luckily this was about 7:45am, so no cars, trucks, bikes, or people to get in my way. I am doing a stiff-legged half-jog thing, to find a bathroom, on a god damn studio lot on Monday morning. Is life too fuckin weird sometimes or what? I’m trotting past stages where shows are made, historic buildings where geniuses brought some of the most beloved childhood memories to life, and all I can think is “ohgodohgodohgodohgod…”. My boy JhonnyThong says he can picture the guys carrying the pane of glass and Benny Hill music playing.
So yeah, it was a photo finish, but the alien was appropriately taken care of, the beast was heroically slayed, the noun was adverbly verbed, and that’s how I had a cheeseburger and fries for lunch.

The End.

Til next time,
Here's wishing you a hole in one.

This is the valley. Marcellus ain't got no friendly places in 818.

MUSIC: pixeltan - Get Up/Say What

So first things first, my review of Sin City: fucking awesome.

Now that that's outta the way, I'll tell y'all about my Vulgarthon '05 experience...but first a pic of the Kevin Smith Wizardwolrd 2005 exclusive Inaction Figure to set the mood:


Woke up early Monday morning after only about 6 hours of sleep the night before. Stopped off at Starbucks for coffee/croissant and saw something I'm pretty sure is exclusive to LA, NY, and Chicago (at least I pray it is): a line...a fucking line out the front door. It's just coffee, people! Overpriced normal-assed coffee!
Make it to the theater around 8:30 to another line:

and that's only about half of it I think. There were 850 people total, not an empty seat in the joint. Waiting in line wasn't so bad though, courtesy of the PSP. I've had mine for just over a month now, but it wasn't until last Thursday when I got Lumines that the beauty of this thing really became clear. And it makes lines go faster than ever. I loves me my PSP.
Reid(my roommate) shows up soon after I arrive and we make fun of our fellow nerds, including one guy with a revolutionary-era tricorner hat. Not sure what that was all about. As we make our way closer to the door, we see the marquee they'd posted for the day:

and a pretty funny billboard(for shampoo I think) across the street at Sunset and Vine:

Getting closer, we see Jason Mewes(Jay, far left with his back to the camera) and Kevin(Silent Bob himself) slapping the wristbands on people that were to be the passes for the day:

So we go inside and are in our seats around 9:30, then kill time with some head-to-head Lumines...and granted Reid had only had the thing for a couple days, but it was no challenge. I have yet to find my match at this game:)
Kevin comes to the front around 10 and says that since we're on a tight schedule and there's 5(!) films plus Q&A's to do, that it's time to get the ball rolling. First off is Big Helium Dog, which is freakin hysterical. Michael Ian Black (of The State) is featured prominantly as a narrator character, talking about the movie-within-the-movie that's also called Big Helim Dog. Confused you say? Yeah, but it makes sense. It basically sketch comedy loosely framed by a story of a guy's best friend dying and him trying to cope with it...you know, typical comedy subject matter. The best way to describe it is a low budget, but funnier, Kentucky Fried Movie. After the flick, the writer/director(Bryan Lynch) and a few of the actors come up front for some Q&A. Lynch is a very funny guy...I hope he gets to do some more widely-seen projects in the future, because as it stands, BHD is his only feature and it's not even available on DVD yet...and the damn thing was made almost ten years ago.

Ok, it's off to sleep for me. Tune in next time for more Vulgarity...and a few more pics...

PS, I am currently addicted to Lady Sovereign's song Random. Cop it here(courtesy of boomselection). She was on the remix of Fit But You Know It(Cranberry holders know what I'm talking about). This girl is gonna blow up, you watch.

PPS, Mr. James Hyman emailed me asking not to post the Tarantino Mashup mix anywhere. I'm serious. I don't know how, when, or why, but he must've seen my blog. So I am complying with his request and am instead instructing you to visit his site to obtain said CD.

Til next time,
I'm illaphilla and you're not.