That’ll teach the kids not to gamble: Comicon 2005, part 2.

MUSIC: Poets of Rhythm – Discern/Define

Saturday:
Awoke at the crack of 9 in order to make it to (had not The D been scheduled for later) THE event of the day: Bryan Singer’s “Superman Returns” panel…featuring footage from the film that hadn’t been shown anywhere (and still hasn’t if I’m not mistaken). Bryan was crazy jetlagged after flying in from Australia on location just for Comicon, which I thought was incredibly classy of him. The footage was amazing and I have no reservations that this movie will kick everyone’s ass blue next summer. After it screened, someone in the audience shouted “PLAY IT AGAIN!”…so they did!

I chose to forgo the Æon Flux panel to go upstairs to Cartoon Voices, which was one of the more entertaining ones two years previous. This year wasn’t nearly as fun, mainly because my favorite voice actor, Maurice LaMarche, wasn’t in attendance. Also noticeably absent from before were Mark Hamil (who is one of the best geek-icons there is, especially when the topic strays form Star Wars), Jess Harnell, and Billy West (who would be my second-favorite I think). So this year was E.G. Daly, Rob Paulson, Bob Bergen, and a late appearance by Gary Owens (always a treat). There were a few others, too, namely the guy who does Goofy for Disney now, but damned if I can recall his name and I’m too lazy to look it up. Anyway, I’m not a huge voice-acting nerd, but I know who I like. This year the panel did an old Superman radio show script, the highlight of which was Owens adlibbing “well, I know Lois a lot better than the rest of you” after mistakenly reading “get down, Lois!” (which was supposed to be the line “get down!” followed by the cue for Lois’s next line).

Next up was my hero, Kevin Smith, who I’ve now seen talk more times than I can remember (well, if I really thought about it I could, but…yknow, lazy). He was as funny and vulgar as ever, the best bit being this little exchange between him and a very surprised fan:
(paraphrasing of course)
FAN: First of all, my dad blames you for the way I turned out.
KEV: Why, cuz I fucked your mom?
FAN: …Actually…my mom’s dead.
KEV(without missing a beat): Yeah, who you think fucked her to death?
Talk about knowing your fan base, right? Dude didn’t think twice about saying it and the fan never stopped laughing. Bra-fucking-vo.
They didn’t give Kevin nearly enough time (less than an hour), but at the end he brought up Ricard Kelly, the director of Donny Darko and the forthcoming Southland Tales (whose website is totally creepy, btw). He was very nervous and only had a quick animatic to show, but how can you not love a clip of two cars fucking (I’m serious about this), even if it was just storyboards and sound effects? The plan, he said, was to release 6 graphic novels of the Southland Tales stories, starting this year, that will make up parts 1-6 of the overall story. The film will be parts 7-9. Sounds incredibly ambitious and immensely cool.

I missed the Family Guy movie presentation but no big deal since we now have a downloa…I mean…ahem…no I have not seen this movie…really!

I decided to skip the J. Michael Straczynski panel (sorry, JMS!), because although he’s one of my favorite writers, I was really sick of sitting down at that point, and decided to wander the floor a bit. After about an hour of drooling over Transformers that I wanted to buy but didn’t (¡viva willpower!) I went upstairs again and found Will (the bossman) in line for the Teen Titans Live! panel. After a bit, we were joined by his new “roommate” (:P) Christine and some gentleman whose name I didn’t get. So first they had the creators/writers/producers of the show, who took questions from the moderator, showed some demo reel of next season, and then opened the floor to Q&A: but only from children, and only those dress as Titans…which was of course friggin adorable (this from someone what don’t like kids…maybe if they were all in costume year-round I’d change my mind). They were giving out signed toys to all the tykes brave enough to go up there…except the young man at the end, whose question was pre-empted with “sorry, but we’ve run out of freebies”. The kid came back with a semi-whined “I just wanted the toooooooy!”…so the moderator gave him a whole handful of little Beast Boy figures ^_^

I stuck around in the room for the next panel, DC All-Stars with Jim Lee. This was Lee and Bob Shreck, talking about the new Batman book they’re doing with Frank Miller (not in attendance:\). Talk about a snoozefest! Shreck may as well have been asleep and Jim, though trying to be funny, just wasn’t. I guess I can’t expect an artist as good as him to be a stand-up comedian either, but they could’ve shown more energy…all I’m sayin. So I ducked out early to get in line for Tenacious D…and what a line it was! All the way outside the building, and looping back around…which I guess if you’ve never been outside Hall H at the SD convention center means nothing, but trust me, huge line. Luckily I got there early enough that I made it inside and had no problem getting a seat.
Kevin Smith came out to thunderous applause and introduced Jack and Kyle as such:
“There’s only 9 cocks in this world that I’d suck. It used to be 10 but I crossed Affleck off the list already. So here’s numbers 6 and 5”.
Rage Kage and Jables treated us, the great unwashed masses, to:
- Several new songs from their new movie “The Pick of Destiny”: one that I’m guessing is the title track, one about how the government “totally sucks”, one called “Dude I Totally Miss You”, and one that the lipsynched (the gag being that their toughest song to play is the one they don’t).
- Fuck Her Gently
- Flash/Wonderboy
- Lee (with Lee up there on stage, dancing like a loon)
- Saxaboom solo
- Tribute
- Dio
- an encore of The Who’s “Tommy”, with added “muthafuckin” between “mean” and “pinball”
I’m guessing the only thing better than The D is The D for free…and that’s what we got. Rock on!

After some food, Reid and I went to an even longer line for the masquerade. San Diego at night is incredible. With that air, waiting in line never felt so good.
Highlights of the masquerade:
- a prepubescent Captain America that was a little tubby and walked offstage in the middle of his performance, while his friends (Spawn and Green Arrow) continued on
- a Tomb Raider vs. Nightcrawler routine…sounds stupid, I know, but this guy playing Nightcrawler must have been a pro acrobat. Amazing flips, good choreography, and a routine that ended with Lara’s mouth all blueJ…I mean they kissed, perverts!
- a song by all the Disney Princesses set to that annoying song “Barbie Girl” (now Disney Girl), that had the biggest laugh of the evening: “STOP! Alladin Time!”
- General Grevious!
- A freakin Covenant Elite soldier with moving jaws!!! (this guy totally should’ve won)
- a person dressed as a transformer…that actually transformed

Still with me? Ok, part 3 coming this future.
Til then,
It’s good to be geeky.

Shoot the J, shoot it!

MUSIC: The Jam - When You're Young

i don't know what it is with me, but i have a mild addiction to making tiny colored squares disappear. having finally beaten my fav psp game Lumines after several months, the same company (Q? and Bandai, who somehow knew i had finished their other game) released Meteos for the nintendo ds. that was the cherry on the sundae of my intentions to purchase said machine. i was pretty good for awhile, talking myself out of buying it...but tonight i cracked. and how's Meteos you ask? i just finished a 5-hour marathon first game.
god damn you Q?...you magnificent bastards. this game is FUN. so fun in fact that i may well hold off on Kirby's Canvas Curse until next weekend.
maybe.
also, i obtained "Compact Snap! - The Best of The Jam" last night...and i've been listening to it pretty much non-stop since then. i've always liked their song "Start!" and had intended to seek out some of their other stuff for awhile. yesterday i finally remembered and wow...these guys were great.

comicon pts. 2 and 3 coming.
til then,
i'm going to need this back

Wouldn’t give a crippled crab a crutch: Comicon 2005, part 1.

MUSIC: Double Dee & Steinski – Lesson One

I’m back yall, with all things Comicon! And it goes a little somethin like this:
Friday:
8ish am: We(that is my roommate Reid and I) hit the road and made pretty decent time down to San Diego. Only hit traffic leaving LA and arriving in SD. We drove through hella fog at one point, bright white, like driving through a big ole cloud.
11ish: arrive in SD and proceed to go to the wrong hotel. Who’s fault this was(Reid or his dad, who got us the free room), no one is sure, but with redirection from the front desk and an argument with the parking attendant, we found our way to the correct one…which was actually closer to the convention center, so all the better. We check in and promptly leave for the pier. This hotel was on Coronado Island(or as it seemed to me, whitey island), across the bridge from SD. Our hotel had a pier with water taxi service over to the convention center. Posh!
12:30pm: get into the con and get our badges. Eat the first of many overpriced foodstuffs(7 bucks plus for a hotdog and can of soda!) and then make our way upstairs for the Jhonen Vasquez panel. For those of you not in the know(shame on you!), Jhonen is the creator of Invader Zim, Johnny the Homicidal Maniac, and Squee! among others. His panel was really funny but I wish the boy would just get back to comics…I know, I know, he said he’s juggling many projects, but some of us are impatientJ
2:30pm: skip the J. Scott Campbell and Ray Harryhausen panels to go and wander the convention floor. This was to be the least crowded of the 3 days, but at Comicon, that’s still pretty fucking packed.
4pm: went to a panel about J.J. Sedelmaier Productions, the animation company behind the TV Funhouse stuff, the first season of Beavis & Butthead, the first episode of Harvey Birdman, and lots of commercials. Was pretty interesting but a little too much attention was paid to the business-end of his company rather than the creative.
5:30pm: Adult Swim panel! While not as funny as the ’03 group, it was still a fun time. Adult Swim prez Keith Crofford hosted Seth Green and Matt Senreich from Robot Chicken, Tim and Eric(dressed as a blue ship’s captain and a magician) from Tom Goes to The Mayor, and Dave and Matt from Aqua Teen (and formerly of Space Ghost). They showed some clips, the best being from the ATHF movie(“coming this future”), and a shit-ton of new shows, the most interesting of which was the new Boondocks(the comic strip) show, coming in October. Funniest part was when a father said “my 12-year-old got me hooked on your shows”, followed by a “way to parent” from the panel.
7pm: Went to dinner with Reid’s friend Paul and his boyfriend Steve. I forget the name of the restaurant but I got: free beer from some girl working for Budweiser, tortillas with f’ing incredible jalapeno butter, and “the bucket”, which was literally a small metal bucket with chicken, shrimp, lobster tails, and equally incredible carne asada….I figure I’m in SD and I’m hungry, why fuck around, right?
8:30pm: Returned to the con and back to “An Evening with JJ Sedelmaier”…which unfortunately featured a lot of the stories I’d heard earlier, but fortunately many more clips and fun stuff too. The host was more interesting this time around, too.
10pm: While waiting in the same room from the previous panel, I saw a hilarious short film called “A Ninja Pays Half My Rent”, about a ninja roommate. Gotta find this online.
Shortly after, was Jerry Beck’s Worst Cartoons Ever, which was exactly that; a collection of the WORST “animated” shorts ever made. And these were on TV!?! Some of the painful/painfully funny toons included Rocket Robin Hood, Big World of Little Adam, a fucking embarrassing King Kong from Rankin/Bass, and, probably my favorite(and not just because of the title), Johnny Cipher in Dimension Zero.
12am: Returned to the room and crashed out…then woke up 3 hours later with the worst indigestion of my life. Considering that day I’d consumed: 2 small donuts, a hotdog, at least 3 sodas, one beer, the bucket with tortillas, a pretzel, and fucking nachos, I think I got off light.

Come back later for Saturday(and pictures!)…

Corner of Midnight and 9

MUSIC: Ghetto Brothers - Ghetto Brother Power

So hello all...I hope yall are celebrating your country by blowing up a small part of it. I am still jetlagged from this weekend, and am abstaining from the fireworks this year...at least until Labor Day;)
My weekend was something of a blur: Friday morning I left the house(why do I always refer to my apartment as "the house"?) at 8:30ish, went to the airport, waited in hella lines, and then made a discovery...there are no bagels to be had at LAX. Even the one place that had em on the fucking menu..."I say, shopkeep! One bagel, slightly toasted, my good man!". Now, maybe the stare I got back was justified, if not for my terrible British accent, then certainly for the fact that I'd just called the poor girl behind the counter a man. I guess it was too early for her to take the joke...or maybe my hunger induced state warped my memory of the exchange, I can't be certain...in any case, whichever way I asked for it, they no bagel be having.
(I'd like to interrupt you there, Phil, by saying that I'd like to make a point about the number of Jews in the LA area that would clearly justify a healthier supply of bagels to the flying community...but I made an off-colour Jewish joke last month, so I'll not stoop to that level again.)
(Thanks, that's probably a good idea.)
(Aren't I cute?)
(Christ, what is wrong with me tonight?)
(Ahem)
Anyway, LA to Phoenix(where it was 117!) to Pittsburgh to Hertz rental car to Morgantown...that's a full day's travel. I got to sleep around 3 I think. Got to see my brother and his friends that are eerily like him in nearly every way. Frightening.
Saturday we drove to Cairnbrook(no, I know you don't know where it is. I could tell you what it's near but that wouldn't help) to pick up Grampa and went to the family reunion. Oh what a feast! I was eating dessert simply because it was there to be eaten. My mom's baking(and no doubt mom herself) was sorely missed by all. Dad is still unable to travel since having a quad(!) bypass at the end of May. He's doing much better now, but couldn't make it out to PA. Saturday night was the cookout (I'm the firestarter, twisted firestarter!) and we had a good turnout, despite things wrapping up early for the most part. If it isn't Nathan's, it isn't a fucking hotdog as far as I'm concerned.
Sunday we took Grampa to lunch...at 11AM! Then, in a fit of super-grandson-ness-stuff, I figured I'd go see Gramma before going back to Pittsburgh. So I drove up to Cranberry PA after getting directions from my uncle. Luckily, he and my aunt were there already, and that made things a little less awkward. I am not really a good conversation starter anyway, and that goes double for old folks. I just never know what to say unless it's answering their questions. So I got to go to dinner with uncle Charlie and aunt Rose and it was a really good time. I hadn't seen them since my cousin's wedding in '02 and I'd never been around them just by myself. Sucks that I don't get to see them more often...though I guess I can say that about damn near everyone back east. So after that I went back to Pittsburgh to return the rental car...and I left my 300fuckingdollar camera in the motherfucker! And I didn't realize it this morning until halfway between PA and Phoenix. The lost and found people were out today, so maaaaaaaybe I'll get it back...not holding my breath though.

Random junk:
-I am now a grandmaster at Lumines...that's 999,999 bitches. I'd take a picture, but see above. I'll be picking up Coded Arms for the PSP soon, but I think if Lumines were the only game I ever played...it was still worth the 300+ dollars...I really love it that much.
-I saw a woman praying over her egg mcmuffin this morning. I'm sure she just loved my Meat Beat Manifesto shirt.
-As previously "mentioned" LAX has no bagels. Phoenix has em, and Pittsburgh is choked by them. What gives LA?
-Oh yeah, Batman Begins, best comicbook movie ever. Seriously.
-Jeff Chang's book "Can't Stop Won't Stop" is a great read so far. It's a history of hiphop...not the first or last, but the first one I've read and god damn it's interesting.
-Maybe it's just me...but I think if you call flipflops "flippies", then you should call slippers "slippies". I mean, it just makes sense, right?
-Liv Tyler was born in July 1977, a fact I stumbled up on the Viewaskew site, where they wished her a happy birthday...that means she's 2 years older than me...and I realized that means when the "Crazy" video came out in 1994, she would've been 16...which, to my 14 year old brain would've been fine, had I known that then. So if I ever see that video again I am going to feel like a dirty old man. Thank you internet for ruining a perfectly hott video memory. I mean, it was bad enough to find out it was Steve Tyler's daughter up there stripping and frolicking, but to find out that she was still a kid at the time? Yeesh. I don't even want to know how old Alicia Silverstone was back then.
-I have recently seen advertised "The Best of Sugar Ray" and "The Best of The Offspring"...I just...I mean...what...*head explodes*

Speaking of advertisements, a big 'ol FUCK YOU! to Proactiv. It was the first infomercial I ever cracked on...not because I even have a lot of pimples really...I just saw it enough and had the disposable income and thought "my skin could be better, so why not?". What they don't tell you, even after you get the shipment, is that you have signed up for their "Clear Skin Club" or some such shit, and that you'll be receiving their product again without you doing anything. It's like Columbia House, only at least they tell you what you're in for. So I get home today with a box from them and I'm thinking, I didn't send it the form for the automatic shipments. Maybe it's like Columbia House and if I don't send it back, they send the stuff...nope. I look at the documentation in this box, too. There's a box to check if you do, in fact, want to sign up for the auto-shipment. I did not do that. So I go online and have to sign up there and then guess what? No where on the site do they tell you how to cancel...it's not even an option. So I had to send an email and I'm sure I'll get the "why don't you like our product?" spiel. Fuck em...I don't like their product because A) it doesn't do anything more than otc stuff, and B) I don't like getting into an agreement because of fine print. That is dirty business folks, and it'll take a mighty potent topical exfoliating mask to clean them up in my eyes.

Til next time,
Best believe someone's payin the pied piper.